Hello....from the other side....

Emma 

If you know me well, or not, and were asked to describe me in a few words, one of those words might be overthinker.  For the last year I have over thought a lot of things and really spectacularly failed at getting that work life balance.  We have all had to adapt during and after lockdown.  One way I did was to take on full time work.  While I enjoyed working with some of the people I did, I did not like the role.  It made me ill, and tired, so tired that it became all consuming.  Making art was far from my mind, well not entirely, I felt guilty that I wasn't making, I felt that I was letting myself down, that I would be de-skilling myself by not practising, giving myself a creative block.  I didn't pick up a pencil for months. While I joked with some friends about this, and perhaps it was a time to give up on it all, there was a serious thought process going on.  What if I did stop? what would I do? What wasn't working before that I could perhaps change? do I need help? do I need a break? The problem for me was bigger than just having time to make art, I wasn't making time for myself to do anything.  I had stopped my Pilates classes, stopped reading books, stopped planning meals I just went to work, came home went to bed, repeated.  I get the irony as someone who uses social media for their work, but I would spend hours scrolling, comparing, competing on all aspects of my life and it just isn't healthy.  

    

I left that job in July and it took a commission to really get me to picking up that pencil again.  As soon as I started sketching it out I thought oh there it is, that familiar spark of what I was missing.  I am writing this near the end of September and I'd be lying if I said I was back into the swing of things.  I have worked on making small decisions/changes that will hopefully build into a brighter future.  I am still looking for work to help with the day to day costs, something with a bit of flexibility that gives me the time and space to get that balance.  I have started reading again and have found a Pilates class nearby that I can slowly get back into moving for pleasure and not for praise or punishment.  I also now sleep in a really fetching mouth guard to stop the clamping of my jaw in my sleep with my stress.  This winter I only have one show, partly because of clashing dates but also because its ok just to do one.  Instead of being run ragged up and down the country on trains focusing on one gives me focus. Its ok to spend a bit more time doing what you want to do without all of the noise.  

Me and Jess met in real life recently and decided that we needed to get this up and running again, we've also managed to get a weekend sorted for her to come to Manchester which will be mint!  I am so glad that I have people like Jess in my life who I can speak to about these sort of things, and also this blog as a outlet for getting these thoughts and experiences on paper (so to speak) A bit off topic from art, but if you are struggling with things, speak to someone you trust, and think about what's important to you, life is just too short.  I hope this doesn't come across as bleak! I am fine, just this year has been tough but I am ending it in a better place than I started it.  

Jess 

It's tricky, writing a post after such a long break.  I wonder how many of us feel that similar grind getting us down - maybe Emma's words resonate with you?  We've all had a lot to process over the last two years too, it can feel overwhelming at times.  I recently booked some mentoring sessions.  I've been registered self employed since 2004 and this is the first time I have ever invested in something beyond material goods.  One session in and I feel grateful for the clarity I experienced after that initial meeting. We talked a lot about overwhelm, which brought about a sense of calm, clear-headed thinking.  I feel positive about what happens next and am really pleased I am investing in me! 

Things I've learnt recently: Rest is productive (as a self employed person I've often felt that I shouldn't take take days off, or that if I'm not working all the time I'm not making a proper go of it) If I don't feel confident and energised, I don't work well.  Since I am a one man band as it were, it's really important that I look after myself in order to look after my business. (I still struggle to call it that...but I no longer say things like "oh I just do a little bit of sewing when the kids are at school")

Things I still need to work on: setting work-life boundaries and carving out some time for exercise or a hobby...or perhaps just making sure that when I am "off" for the weekend I am truly switched off.  I love getting out and exploring, especially during Autumn.  I do not like spending weekends doing housework, that definitely does not count as time off! 

So here's to taking the time we need to do what feels right, carving our own paths and listening to our instincts...and I cannot wait to spend a weekend in Manchester with Pinnock.  We may even write a blog post about it.

Love

Babble+Yak